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Action: Action sequences of all types. Car chases, plane crashes, train wrecks, etc. Alas, this does not inlcude the type of action scenes most guys hope for…those would be listed under the Sex icon. | ||
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Aliens: Any lifeform that heralds from beyond Terra Firma. This would include both cute, friendly aliens like E.T. as well as the more generally unfriendly types like the ID4 aliens. Plus, bacteria, viruses, fungi and what not that originates from anywhere other than Earth. | ||
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Animals Gone Berserk: Your average, everyday, run of the mill animals…only now they’ve gone haywire for whatever reason. The title character in Cujo would be a good example. | ||
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Anime: This would include any animation in addition to Anime style features. | ||
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Annoying Kids: Any child that induces annoyance,nausea and ultimately murderous rage with his or her antics...which pretty much means every kid on Earth. This would include any "Kenny" types as well.
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Beach Madness : Whenever a significant portion of the movie takes place on a beach, no matter where in the world that may be.
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Brains: Any individual brain, be it stuck in a jar or somehow self-ambulatory, that is depicted as a unique life form. There are more films with such things than one would initially think. | ||
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Bugs: Simple – any appearance by an annoying bug or group of annoying bugs (can you name any bug that isn’t annoying? I didn’t think so). This could be in a single scene or make up the bulk of the plot. | ||
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Cannibals: Whenever human flesh is consumed by other, living humans. Dead diners would make it a zombie flick. | ||
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Castles: When any or all of the action in the film takes place in a castle. This can range from a medieval seige to a trek through a gothic, spook-filled edifice. | ||
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Comic Relief: Whenever there is an obvious attempt to lighten the mood of a serious-minded film with lame comedy. Most often this is used to pad out the film's running time and results more in snores rather than laughs. | ||
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Cowboys: This seems pretty self-explanatory. However, like the above Brains, you may be surprised at how often Cowboys pop up in Scifi and horror films. | ||
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Crazed Killers: The hallmark of the slasher subgenre. Some may be regular, but extremely pissed off, people…while others may be more superhuman or even supernatural in nature. Regardless, it is best to avoid getting in their way. Especially if you’re a horny teenager. Then you might as well be walking around with "kill me" tattooed on your forehead. | ||
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Crazy People: Films than earn this icon feature people who are certifiable. They may be dangerously psychotic or just the proverbial "one card short of a full deck." Regardless, they probably are the types who buy Yanni albums. | ||
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Dancing: Sooner or later you’ll run a cross a movie that has a lot of dancing in it. Some may even have entire musical numbers complete with song and choreographed dance number. Watch anything from Bollywood and this will be damn near impossible to avoid. | ||
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Demons: Minions of Satan, Disciples of hell, Stealers of souls and all around nasty things (no, not the IRS, though I do see how one could make that mistake). Sometimes they take on physical appearance, sometimes they remain incorporeal. Either way, they’re trouble. Demonic and/or Satanic worship would also receive this icon. | ||
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Desert Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place in the desert. | ||
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Dinosaurs: Don’t let the fact that 65 million years have elapsed since they walked the Earth deter you. Modern (20th century) cinema has proven that whether it be deep underground, on some forgotten island paradise, or resulting from science – dinosaurs are actually difficult to avoid. | ||
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Disturbing Kids: These kids are beyond annoying. With them there is some inherent creepiness that just makes them uncomfortable to be around. It could be anything from a third limb to an unusally deep voice to a habit of playing with Barbie Doll...heads. | ||
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Dragons: The winged serpents of legend, in any of their many incarnations and interpretations. | ||
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Evil Clowns: I could have just said clowns, as everyone knows that all clowns are automatically and inherently evil. However this icon represents appearances by those clowns who don’t bother to hide it. | ||
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Evil Computers: Any self aware machine or Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) that acts on it’s own. Most times with little or no regard to we fleshbags, because somehow those machines just know better. They must be stationary and incapable of movement on their own. | ||
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Extreme Violence: More than just fistfights, gunfire and subdued knife/sword fighting. We’re talking severed limbs, decapitations, graphic depictions of gunshot wounds as well as lacerations and blood by the gallons. | ||
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Forest Hijinks : Whenever some or all of the film takes place in the forest (not a jungle or a swamp). | ||
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Ghosts: Be they visible, invisible or the floating sheet variety. Friendly like good old Casper, tragic like Patrick Swayze or the definition of anti-social like the gang from 13 Ghosts. | ||
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Giant Bugs: Any film featuring a giant bug. Some could be holdovers from some prehistoric era (10%), the results of scientific experiments (25%) or the end result of mutation brought on by the random and accidental exposure to radiation (65%). | ||
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Giant Monsters: Any monster big enough to destroy an automobile by merely stepping on it (or at least by jumping up and down on it in a hissy fit). | ||
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Gore: No, not the former VP. This one goes hand in hand with Extreme Violence, but that is not always the case. Expect to see gallons of blood, lots of entrails and viscera, severed body parts of all types and all the various methods utilized to reduce the human body to its individual parts. | ||
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Gothic Hijinks: The Raven says it all. This one is for films featuring stories or settings that emphasize the grotesque, mysterious, and desolate. Many are set within a certain time period…usually medieval. | ||
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Gross Stupidity: This one is reserved for movies featuring characters that really deserve to die because of the sheer magnitude of both their mental deficiencies and their piss poor decision making skills. | ||
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Gunplay: This one is called out for movies that feature an excessive amount of gunplay, not just a few shots fired here and there at the monster, but A LOT. I'm talking the invasion of Normandy here. | ||
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Haunted Houses: Any building or abode that is the home to any type of restless spirit, ghost, demon or supernatural entity. Any generally creepy house, structure or abode. | ||
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Hotrods: Cool, suped up cars of all sorts are what will earn a film this one. Even tricked out James Bond-like cars will warrant this icon. | ||
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Jungle Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place in the jungle. | ||
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Kaiju: This icon is reserved for Daikaiju Eiga or giant monster films from Japan. 99.999% of the time such monsters will be portrayed by a man in a rubber suit stomping around a highly detailed model train set while firecrackers are set off all around him. Every now and then a Kaiju film will also turn up from somewhere other than Japan, but the vast majority will be from the land of the rising sun. | ||
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Killer Plants: Any film which features a deadly plant, be it stationary or self ambulatory. It could be as subtle as a poisonous flower or as overt as a giant plant monster hundreds of feet tall. | ||
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Macabre Hijinks: This one is for films that fill that special niche that features grim stories centering on death, torture and other such gruesome things. Many are set within a specific time period – the 18th and 19th centuries. | ||
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Magic: When magic plays a small or large part of the story, whether it is set in modern times, the ancient past or a fantasy world removed from our own. | ||
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Martial Arts: Films that feature any type of the various martial arts. Karate, Kung-Fu, Kendo, Judo, Taekwondo, etc. | ||
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Misogyny: This one is hauled out whenever any strong dislike, contempt for, or prejuduice against women is on display. | ||
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Monsters: This refers to any man-sized monster, be it alien in origin, a BHM (Big Hairy Monster) like Bigfoot, Fish Men or the gang from C.H.U.D. | ||
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Mummies:
They may be undead, but they’re not quite in the same category as
general zombies. These walking stiffs herald from some Ancient civilization
– usually Egypt, but Mayan and Aztec Mummies have been spotted on
occasion.
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Mythology: Any film that features mythological creatures. Any cultural mythology counts, but most times it will be beasts from Greek mythology. | ||
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Nature Run Amok: Your average, everyday, run of the mill animals…only now they’re mutated, inexplicably grown to giant sizes or have engaged in any activity contrary to their natural states. | ||
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Nudity: Yes, the one category every guy hopes for, as long as it is female nudity. This icon would also include any naked guys that may show up on screen for the benefit of the female viewers. | ||
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Ocean Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place on the ocean. | ||
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Offworld Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place on another planet. | ||
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Outer Space: Any film that takes place in, or has significant scenes set in outer space will receive this icon. Seeing the Martian fleet flying towards Earth at the beginning of Mars Attacks! would not count. | ||
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Robots: Unlike computers, these include any self aware or remotely controlled machine that is foot loose and fancy free, being capable of movement on its own. | ||
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Rock n Roll: These movies will feature Rock n Roll in a prevalent manner (aside from the score or soundtrack). Such films may or may not include dance numbers or musical set pieces. | ||
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Romance: Any romance that develops during the movie and not something that existed before the events portrayed. It can be it central to the story or secondary. | ||
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Satan: Movies with this icon feature an appearance by old Scratch himself AKA Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, Lucifer, Satan or as he’s been known in more modern times, Yanni. | ||
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Science: Any film in which science plays an important part, whether the theories are sound in reality or are just comprised of pseudo-science made up by the writer. Whatever the case, science is important in jump starting the film or solving the problem at the end. | ||
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Sea Terrors: Be it shark, squid, octopus or a previously unheard of sea serpent that has been snacking on the locals, this icon refers to them all. Also included is any type of normal sea creature that has suddenly been Super Sized into gargantuan proportions. | ||
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Sex: While no porn films will be reviewed (sorry guys), this does refer to any sex scenes that may…er…arise during the course of the film, be it at the beginning, middle or...um…climax of the movie. These may or may not include nudity….but one can only hope. | ||
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Skin: When lots of cheesecake or beefcake is on display, but no private areas are exposed. | ||
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Snow Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place in a snowy setting. | ||
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Spaceships: Spaceships must be featured in a substantial amount of the story or play a significant part of the unfolding plot, though brief scenes with such vehicles will also garner this icon. | ||
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Stock Footage: The sleeping guy says it all. This icon refers to any obvious stock footage recycled for use in a film. Often such footage can be mind numbingly boring and damn near coma inducing. For an example, see the endless jungle stock footage used in Monster From Green Hell, which can reduce even the most hardiest and patient of B movie viewers to catatonic wrecks. | ||
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Superheroes: Superhero antics of all sorts. Based on popular comic books, unknown comic books or invented solely for the silver screen. | ||
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Swamp Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place in the swamp. | ||
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Swords: Lots and lots of swordplay. This could be a Sword and Sandal flick, a medieval style fantasy or even an historic epic. Hell, even people waving large pieces of cutlery at each other in contemporary set films might get this one, it just depends. | ||
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Technology: This is used when technology plays a bit part or key role in the film. An example of the former would be gadgets found in a James Bond film, whereas the latter could be anything from computers to large pieces of machinery. | ||
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Time Travel: This covers time travel in all forms – from killer cyborgs from the future to annoying teens going back to the 50’s. Even the transference of one’s consciousness across time would count. | ||
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Tiny People: Any film which features doll sized people, whether they were naturally born that way or reduced in size via some artificial or natural manner. | ||
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Underground Hijinks: When some are all of the film takes place underground and/or in caves. | ||
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Undersea Hijinks: Whenever some or all of the film takes place under the sea. Sing it with me! Unda da sea! Unda da sea! Oh, nevermind. | ||
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Vampires: Blood suckers of all variations. Nuff said. | ||
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Violence: Not as bad as Extreme Violence, this covers fistfights, gun fights with no graphic wounding or swordplay with no serious bloodletting shown. In other words, what you could get away with on commercial television. | ||
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Werewolves: Your standard canine lycanthropes. Evil, misunderstood or otherwise. | ||
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Zombies: The undead. Many times they will be driven by some insatiable need to eat the living. Is that part of the South Beach Diet? I’ve always wondered. |
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