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My rating system is, naturally, based upon my own personal tastes in film. I learned long ago that film critics were a dime a dozen and that in this age of the internet, any fool could create a site and espouse their opinions, so finding a critic whose tastes were similar to one’s own is vital to each individual. With that in mind, it is important to know that I like 95% of everything genre related. In the vast majority of cases, I can find something about a film that will let me enjoy it. This in turn means that many, many films that others would quickly classify as utter crap, even in the world of B movie fans, are ones that I still enjoy. While acknowledging and understanding the criticisms leveled against such films, my complete and total love for all things Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror allows me to watch these cinematic "disasters" time and again when others have long since abandoned them to the waste pile and have moved on to other things like having a life. I have
noticed many ratings systems that utilize only five
"levels," such as a film earning anywhere from
one to five stars. However, may times five additional
levels are created by the addtion of the
"halves." Thus a film can get half of a star,
one star, one and half stars, two stars and so on until
five are reached. I have decided to do away with those
halves and just number mine from one to ten, with the
addition of the lowest rating, reserved for true crap
that doesn’t even deserve anything on the main
scale. |
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 x 10 |
Ten Tombstones – The best of the best of the best. A perfect film. In other words, no movie is ever gonna get this rating. | ||
| x 9 |
Nine Tombstones – These films are my all time favorites of the genre. For whatever reasons, they have endearing qualities that make them watchable time and time again. Many would be considered classics of the genre. Some would not, but I still love them. A good time to be had when watching, either alone or with friends. The flow of popcorm should never stop. | ||
| x 8 |
Eight Tombstones – Quite good and very entertaining. Not quite on my all time favorites list, yet they are still near the top. These films are well regarded by the vast majority of fans and are ones many people can watch over and over again. Popcorn should be kept popping in abundance when viewing these. | ||
| x 7 |
Seven Tombstones – Solidly good and entertaining. While being marred by a few uneven spots here or there, these films are still at the top of their game. Thrills and Chills are still to be had. Popcorn consumption during these movies is constant, but subdued. | ||
| x 6 |
Six Tombstones – Above average. The producers show a knack for movie making and ideas but are hindered by things out of their control, such as a low budget, bad actors, cheap FX, etc. Films in this group would include those considered to be "cult classics" by many. You may have to pop some additional popcorn for these films. | ||
| x 5 |
Five Tombstones – Average, run of the mill. While not outstanding, it doesn’t suck either. A good way to kill some time and have some fun. Good ideas abound but not much else here to elevate the film above the masses. The occasional moment of pain will still arise in such films. A definite empty popcorn bag will be left at the end of one of these. | ||
| x 4 |
Four Tombstones – Almost good. While these films don’t stink up the room, they’re not exactly glowing examples of entertainment, having misplaced a few critical elements somewhere during the film making process. While far from being classics, they pop up all the time on "guilty pleasure" lists. Painful moments are still in abundance. Still, you may be able to finish off your popcorn. | ||
| x 3 |
Three Tombstones – These are the type of movies some people absolutely loathe while others just find mildly entertaining. While not much better that Two Tombstone films, they do lessen the chance of ill effects upon the viewer…somewhat. Only devoted fans should bother with these as most others will find them a waste of time. Pass the popcorn, but don’t bother popping any more. | ||
| x 2 |
Two Tombstones – Not much to redeem these films, but a faint (very faint) flicker of some elusive X factor makes them barely tolerable. The risk of brain damage is still there, so watch at your own discretion. For hardcore fans only, as these are the films you watch once and then let sit on the shelf. Your appetite for popcorn may be compromised. | ||
| x 1 |
One Tombstone – Good thing you’ve got a popcorn bag, as you may need to empty it and use it as a barf bag. To say these films suck is akin to describing Godzilla as an " inconvenient lizard." It is best to avoid these movies unless you are stuck on a deserted island and in desperate need of something to watch. And even then… |
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The Toilet – The absolute worst of the worst. Even in my eyes such a film has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. These are the type of films that one doesn't watch as much as survive, leaving the viewer little choice but to visit the porcelain altar to relinquish whatever the contents of their stomach may be. It is best to flush the copy of the movie down the drain as well and spare some other hapless soul the same torture, before scheduling yourself some serious therapy in order to recover from this viewing experience. | ||
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