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Shadow's Title: "Night of the Annoying Morons"

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Before any title even appears, the 80’s synthesizer-driven music kicks in and the cast credits begin, accompanied by some animation sequences of a graveyard, skeletal demons flying about and a haunted house (my kind of neighborhood!). That music alone is enough to make me cringe. You know, waaay back in the 80’s, I remember that I did not really spend large amounts of time pondering the music of the era and how it would sound to future generations, let alone if it possessed any intrinsic or inherent qualities that would come to typify the decade in which I was living. It just seemed “normal.” However, given the passage of two decades, I can certainly see now just how truly cheezy much of it really was. Anyway, we see the film’s title before the remainder of the credits eventually unfold…still accompanied by the horror animations and dated music.

It’s Halloween night and the trick-or-treaters are out in force, much to the annoyance of one particularly grumpy old fart on his way home from the grocery store. Kids are obviously not high on his list of favorite people, probably ranking right below tax collectors, proctologists and telemarketers. He looks about as happy to be surrounded by costumed kids as a Christian fundamentalist would be at lesbian movie festival. Mr. Grumpy gets even more irate when a car carrying Helen, Rodger and Stooge passes by, the latter flashing his gargantuan butt cheeks at him. Then a run-in with wise ass Sal really gets his blood boiling even more, so when Judy encounters him on her way home and tries to help him pick up his dropped purchases, all she gets for her trouble is some serious old man attitude. She leaves Mr. Grumpy behind, oblivious to his plan to hide razor blades inside of apples. How original. Was he watching Halloween II earlier that day?

Once home, Judy wastes no time in changing into her Alice in Wonderland costume, then arguing with her ultra-annoying and slightly pervy little brother Billy, who was hiding in her closet while she got nekkid. The thought of this little perv spying on his sister as she changes her clothes is just…unsettling. It’s bad enough that he’s at the age where a strong breeze probably induces a stiffy, but to have to satiate one’s burgeoning adolescent thrills from catching a peek of one’s naked sister? That is just wrong. He should do what I did…wait ‘til he’s in his thirties and then sneak a peek. At least then he can pass it off as pure coincidence when he’s out in the back yard, smoking a cigar and just happens to look up into the second floor window and spot his big sister walking around sans clothing. And I’m sure the huge mirror she has on her wall will make it even easier to position himself where he can continue looking and not worry about being caught. I’m just saying, is all…

Sal then drops by to see Judy, but Billy convinces him to leave after informing him that his big sister already has a date. However, for a nominal fee (one whole dollar), he does tell Sal where that party is being held. Not long after Sal has departed, Judy’s horny date for the evening, Jay, arrives to pick her up. Despite Judy’s trepidation, the pair head for the Halloween party being thrown by the freaky Angela, after picking up pals Max and Frannie along the way. The aforementioned Helen, Rodger and Stooge are also heading to this party, that is if they can find it. Sal, who wants another chance to score with Judy after a previous date, is also headed to this shindig, even though he was not amongst the invited (a fact he will come to regret).

And where is this little soiree being held? Why, beautiful Hull House. What is Hull House, you ask? Is it some boating place? Is it the place down the street from Hell House, right after Hill House and Holl House? Nope, it’s an abandoned funeral home, of course. Did you really think they had rented a hotel room some place? Why is Hull House abandoned, you ask? Because the family that ran it was slaughtered by one of their own. Duh! In movies like this, these people just don’t sell the business and move away. Nope, they are horrifically killed by their own patriarch, leaving a curse upon the land, the house, the silverware, the toilet…you name it.

After some car troubles for Stooge, Rodger and Helen, petty shoplifting at a convenience store by Angela and Suzanne (including some shameless, but much appreciated shots of Linnea Quigley’s ass), and Jay getting scared shitless by Sal (who was hiding in a coffin), everyone eventually arrives at Hull House and settles in for the big bash. Since Max has been designated the exposition dork for the film, he gives us the lowdown on the place, explaining that the property is surrounded by an underground river and that a tall brick wall has been built over this subterranean waterway. Since the land has been considered unclean for centuries, it is believed that any evil spirits that call it home cannot pass beyond the brick wall that marks the boundaries. Any more exposition and I was fully expecting to hear the no bright lights/no water/no feeding after midnight speech from him.

Once everyone is inside and the shock of finding Sal-the-uninvited already there waiting for them has worn off, they get down to partying. This means hanging cheap decorations, consuming their pilfered food and drink, blasting crappy music, firing up a strobe light and jumping around as if they were having seizures. Suzanne dances before the fire, her ass bent towards Max and moving it back and forth in a display guaranteed to give most guys more wood than a lumber yard. Frannie appears with a beer and says it will help cool him down (only if he uses it to rub his crotch).

The festivities are now interrupted by the sudden loss of tunes. Sal asks if anyone has ever heard of Duracell, but Stooge claims to have put fresh batteries in the tape player just that morning. Angela says that they can dance later, but now it is time for some party games. Of course, her idea of a party game is to conduct a séance. I guess that is better than a live sacrifice! Helen thinks that a séance may be a little “chancy” since it is Halloween, the night all the “creepy things” are supposed to stalk the Earth. No, Hon, that would be Earth First day, with the legion of tree-hugging hippies that haven’t bathed since the Nixon administration marching up and down waving their banners and wearing their hemp jackets.

Strange sounds prompt them to look around the house some and they locate an old mirror – the perfect thing for holding a past life séance! They might as well have found bottles of nitroglycerine strapped to the sides of an electric bull. At least that would have saved them all time and lots of unpleasantness. Alas, they opt to have the séance, which awakens an evil presence that was hiding in the basement’s furnace (and which sounds like a lost soul on the crapper after having devoured an entire block of cheese).

Next comes a sound like someone either moving heavy furniture or engaging in Klingon sex. Judy stares at the floor and notes that the sounds seems to be coming from the basement. Doesn’t it always? Creepy sounds either come from the basement or the attic. They never originate in any other part of the house. You never hear anyone say, “That ungodly sound is coming from the bathroom!” Well, unless you grew up in my house and were subjected to my mom’s quiche on a regular basis, you wouldn’t hear those words.

There is a very interesting shot as the group discusses things. We see the pieces of the broken mirror scattered on the floor. The gang stands over them and each person can be seen in a different shard of glass. Foreshadowing that this group will soon be split up…permanently? Your guess is as good as mine…unless you’re Kevin Tenney of course. Then you’d just know. Anyhow, I thought it was kinda cool.

The evil presence immediately zooms through the house and possesses Suzanne, probably because her head is the emptiest and the easiest to squeeze into. She wastes little time in passing on the demonic influence to Angela via a girl on girl kiss (pretty hot for those days!). At this point, sensing the dictates of B-moviedom, the collection of stereotypes called characters all decide to split up in order to explore the place further and most importantly, find places in which to fornicate. Well, everyone but Rodger and Helen. Those two are too scared by things they’ve seen and felt and decide it is time to get the “F” out. They head out the front door without a second look back. Hell, there wasn’t even a first look back.

With the two resident chickenshits having departed, the remainder of the group now splits up. Of course, both you and I saw that one coming. People outfitted with blindfolds and pushed out into freeway traffic while wearing roller skates have a lower mortality rate than these folks. Hell, people on death row have a better shot than these dolts.

As they move throughout the house exploring, the moonlight shines through the windows, illuminating the rooms to various degrees. All I want to know is this: Why is it so damn bright? Now, I love the dark. I spend a great deal of my time in the dark and have sat gazing at the moon on many occasions, but never have I encountered moonlight that could illuminate a room like it does in this film. Seriously, if I saw the moon that bright, I’d be afraid that the sun had gone nova on the other side of the planet and once the Earth’s rotation brought me back into line with its rays, I’d be deep fried in a heart beat. And yes, I know such an idea was explored in the Larry Niven short story Inconstant Moon, which was later turned into an episode of the new Outer Limits television series. I’ve both read it and seen it.

Anyway, things don’t go quite as anyone has planned. Then again, does it ever? Despite his best efforts to get some, Judy is not about to give it up for Jay, so in a huff he leaves her stuck in one room and eventually hooks up with Suzanne for some sex action. Too bad for him that she is now possessed and reveals her true colors while riding him like a bucking bronco. Of course, that’s after the infamous scene in which she shoves a tube of lipstick into her breast.

Now this is where my own twisted imagination comes into play. Even though she is popping his eyeballs as if they were gigantic zits, it is still apparent that they were in the middle of sexual intercourse when she decided to go all demon on his ass. This means that there are other parts of their bodies that are still connected, right? Now I know the film doesn’t imply this, but in my mind, as she is digging her thumbs into his eyes, I imagined rows of hideous teeth springing into place around her YooHoo and then with a tightening of the muscles, she’d chomp his tallywacker right off. How is that for nightmare imagery? And yes, I know the Japanese have made films with such elements in them. If that won’t scare a guy into celibacy, I don’t know what will.

The now possessed Angela does a freaky dance for Sal, who wisely leaves her alone. Stooge, however, decides to take a chance with the freaky goth chick. He pulls her close for a slow dance, the requisite music having started up again. The camera spins around them as they snog, like something one would see in a cheap romance movie, but it’s just mere seconds before it is apparent that something is very, very wrong. Stooge flinches and tries to pull away, but Angela holds on to him and continues to snog him. There is a disgusting slurping sound in addition to Stooge’s muffled cries of pain.

Finally, she pushes him to the floor. He stumbles to his feet, both his hands held over his face. Blood is pouring out of his mouth like a freakin’ fountain and when he looks at her in pain and horror, she smiles and then spits out his severed tongue, which she had bitten off during their protracted kiss. Her teeth are now quite ragged and her eyes are yellow in color. I think it is safe to say that Stooge is not gonna get laid tonight!

Now we cut away to Max and Frannie, who have found a room with coffins and stained glass windows. Maybe this was a viewing area for the dead folks or a place where memorials were held. Either way, I half expected The Tall Man to walk out from behind a curtain and sneer, “Boy!” Max is surprised that all the stuff is still there. She thinks it’s quite creepy, but he says he will protect her. She smiles, then wraps her arms around him and pulls him in for a kiss, asking who is going to protect him. He points out that he has never “made it” in a coffin before.

Made it? I had not realized that such an archaic euphemism for sex was still in use when I was a teen (I was nineteen the year this film came out). None of my friends used it. Then again, few if any of them, were getting laid. I certainly wasn’t. Still, it seems the sort of term better suited for an earlier era, like the 60’s or even 50’s. In my day we were more likely to say, “I’ve never done it in a coffin.” However, like I said, I wasn’t doing it at all, so don’t take my word for it. Anyway, Frannie reveals that she has not had sex in such a spot either. “What are we waiting for?” Max asks. They then try having sex in the coffin, but a newly dead and demon-possessed Stooge shows up and shuts the lid on that idea, which Max finds quite disarming.

Outside, poor Rodger and Helen cannot seem to locate the gate in the high brick wall that leads out, and are walking in circles. They get separated, with Rodger taking a refuge in a car and Helen’s dead body dropping on the hood a while later. All in all, things go down the crapper for everyone really fast.

Eventually, the only two left alive are Judy and Rodger. They are trapped within Hull House and stalked by their former friends who are now dead, possessed or both. Possessed Angela chases after them at one point, appearing to be moving around on skates. Judy and Rodger get separated as they run through every room in the place, trying to find a way out of the house and off the property. Back and forth they go, encountering one possessed friend after another. Eventually, they wind up back together and for some truly asinine reason, they race back down into the cellar/basement area, eventually running into the furnace room and slamming the door shut behind them (which seems to happen a lot in this film). With their backs to the door, they slide to the floor and attempt to catch their breath. The sheer emotional wringer they have been through begins to take its toll on them. First they both start laughing hysterically, but soon the laughs become tears and crying and sobbing and snotting…and that’s just from Rodger! He really begins shaking and sobbing like a child, with Judy trying to console him. “We’re gonna make it!” she proclaims.

Suddenly there is a banging on the door along with some more of that deep demonic growling. Angela and Stooge are right outside and are trying to get in. In screencap A, we see the door from the inside. Notice the grill set high in the door which allows anyone to see through it (the arrow is pointing to it, as it is somewhat dark and hard to make out). Also notice where the light is shining: a spot just below that grill. Now take a look at the door from the other side (B). The light is now pouring straight through the grill and directly into the faces of Angela and Stooge.

Anyway, Rodger jumps up and joins Judy on the far side of the room, in front of the furnace. A voice now calls out, urging Rodger to open the door. It claims the demons don’t want him, just Judy. Rodger tells them to go to hell. The voice replies by saying “Not tonight” and informing him that they have plans for him…something involving lots of pain and sorrow. I’m guessing repeated viewings of the Deuce Bigalow sequel are planned.

Judy now transcends her follic pigmentation and puts two and two together to actually get four! In other words, she realizes that when the demonic voice said “not tonight” it means that the demons have access to the earthly realm on this one night only. She recalls some of the things Helen babbled about earlier regarding Halloween and how it was the one night each year when unclean things are free to roam the earth. This means that if they can just hang out until dawn, they will be okay. Rodger readily agrees with this assessment of the situation. Now they just need to survive until the sun comes up!

Note - It is at this point that the movie enters its final segment, so if any of you really feel the need to watch this film and not know the ending ahead of time, skip the rest of this section.

The bolts holding the door hinges to the frame are starting to pop loose and fall to the ground. Within seconds Angela and Stooge will get inside. Judy spies the old gas line that feeds the big furnace and pointing it at the door and using a lighter, manages to fry Angela and Stooge. Judy and Rodger run like hell and actually manage to get outside, their possessed friends (both crispy and non crispy) once again in pursuit. The strange thing is, the shambling corpse of Jay has his pants pulled up. Why is that strange? Well…

In order to accomplish Boom-Boom with Suzanne, he had to either remove his pants (and undies) or just drop them low enough to accommodate Suzanne when she straddled him. Seconds later he was dead, but when Judy and Sal come upon the scene later, they find Suzanne sitting there, cradling Jay’s body. We don’t see Jay from the waist down at this point, but we can conclude that since he died during sex, his pants are still off (or still pulled down below his crotch). Yet, when his corpse is stumbling around, his pants have been pulled up! I find it hard to believe that evil demons from the pits of hell, who are bound and determined to scare the life out of their victims before horrifically killing them, would be concerned about such standards of decency. I don’t know about you, but the only thing I’d find more frightening than the demon-possessed corpse of some dude stumbling after me, is the demon-possessed corpse of some dude stumbling after me…with its pants down. Tell me that doesn’t conjure up some horrifying possibilities.

So Judy and Rodger decide that waiting until sunrise for the gate to magically appear in the brick wall is out of the question and begin scaling it, Spider-Man style. They reach the top just as dawn arrives. The demons are forced back to hell, the possessed corpses falling over dead because…well, because they were dead. Exhausted, but alive, Judy and Rodger walk home, passing Mr. Grumpy at one point.

Mr. Grumpy now heads back into his house and sits down at the table. His wife appears and says good morning, but in his usual testy manner, he wants to know what is so good about it. She places a cup of coffee and a slice of pie on the table before him before heading back into the kitchen behind him. He digs into the pie, which he says is “ok” when she asks him if it is good. She then says that he used to love her homemade pies. “Home made?” he wonders. “When did you make this?” She says that she made it last night while he slept. Since there were not as many trick-or-treaters as there were in the good old days, she had to do something with all the leftover apples. Uh oh!

At this point, his expression changes and he looks like he just shit out a pound of brillo pads. His neck bulges and suddenly the razor blades that he inadvertently swallowed shred his throat from the inside, spraying blood all over the place. He tries scream but just gets a moan out before falling face first into the remains of the pie. I think he’s dead. Nope. I know he is dead! His wife now walks over, pats him on the back and kisses him on the back of the head. “Happy Halloween, dear,” She says, then takes a sip of her coffee. She looks quite amused.

The End

You really can’t get any more basic than the premise for this movie: teens spend the night in a spooky house, awaken evil spirits and then one by one, die horribly. It’s very much a cross between a slasher flick and haunted house movie. It contains the violent, bloody deaths of the former and the creepy locations and eerie atmosphere of the latter. The general idea of setting a movie in a spooky location is nothing new, with haunted house movies dating back for decades to the earliest examples of genre cinema. Two of the more notable examples, and which today are considered classics of the field, are The Haunting (1963) and The Legend of Hell House (1973). Indeed, it seems that Night of the Demons’ Hull House is a homage to the Hill and Hell houses found in the two aforementioned films. While those two earlier movies did not feature overly graphic demises, Night of the Demons takes full advantage of the 1980’s preponderance of gore FX in horror cinema to help differentiate it from those previous efforts, incorporating the “dead teenager” motif than had been showing up in the dozens of slashers produced every year since the late 70’s. That and the stock elements of the day: liberal amounts of swearing, nudity and contemporary teenage attitudes, helped to firmly cement it as a product of its age. The music certainly helps to date it, even if the bulk of the clothing does not (since nearly everyone is wearing a Halloween costume, the assault of 80’s fashion is limited). Some may express the opinion that the film never really works as neither slasher or a haunted house film, but in my mind the movie was not aiming for a complete melding of the two ideas and rather, took the components it needed from the differing concepts to build its own look and feel.

Night of the Demons is a horror movie that was made before the genre became too self aware and overly satirical of itself in the 1990’s. It also heralds from an era that still made movies for people who had the attention span to deal with extended dialog scenes. In other words, there isn’t a constant barrage of crappy one-liners from the odious comic relief (though the film does have a sense of humor, it just doesn’t go overboard with it), nor is there something flashy happening every five minutes in order to maintain the interest of the ADD crowd. It takes its time in setting up its story and this may cause some people to lose interest as it means lots of talking and scenes with the film’s cast doing little. These cardboard characters that adhere to stereotype don’t help matters much. They are mostly annoying and engender little in the viewer aside from distaste. They are by far the film’s weakest component, with nothing original about them at all. The film does have its strong points, with the superb make-up and gore FX taking the top spot. More than one scene looks quite real, even when you are aware that certain things are not. The music is serviceable and contributes to the overall effect, but is not very noticeable on its own. There are enough stylistic touches with lighting, editing and camera work to help convey that eerie sense of dread and foreboding required for such a film. Overall, it’s a must see for lovers of horror and/or gore, but don’t expect an absolute masterpiece, unless it’s classic bad movies that you love. It has its own sense of charm, mostly stemming from the time period in which it was made. If you are nostalgic for 80’s horror, then definitely check this one out. Lastly, don’t let the similarities between this film and The Evil Dead get in your way of enjoying it. As dark as this film is, it is actually light and cheerful compared to Sam Raimi’s classic.

Deaths: 9
Times Rodger runs like a scared bitch: 9
Times Stooge calls any girl a bitch: 6
Times Judy screams: 42
Boobs seen: 6
Fake boobs seen: 2
Doors slammed shut (by people or spirits): 29
People tossed through windows: 2
False scares where people nearly shit themselves: 9
Product placement: 9

Shadow's Drinking Game: These are teens. Well, they’re supposed to be teens, so they cuss a lot. Every time the words “Bitch” or “Fuck” are heard, take a drink.

Jay arrives at Judy’s house.

Jay: “Well, you must be Judy’s little brother, huh? You’re pretty lucky. She’s a real nice girl.”
Billy: “Yeah, are you dating her for her personality, or because she has big cha-chas?”

Shadow’s comment: Cha-Cha’s. Definitely the big cha-cha’s.

The difference between possessed and haunted.

Judy: “What’s the difference, between possessed and haunted?”
Angela: “A haunted house is a house with ghosts in it. The spirits of people who’ve died. But the spirits living in a house possessed have never existed in human form. They’ve only existed in spirit form. They’re pure evil.”

Shadow’s comment: Oh! So they’re lawyers!

• County enforcement for keeping folks out of abandoned buildings is quite poor in places.
• Underground rivers can run in a complete circle.
• If there is something the Indians avoided at all costs, then it must be really bad.
• More pieces from a broken mirror will land reflective side up than not.
• Invisible demons fart a lot.
• There is a big difference between a haunted house and a possessed house.
• Nothing good ever came from a room filled with coffins.
• Possessed people are fond of roller skates.
• Much like the Man-Thing, possessed people can burn with their touch.
• Being possessed will cause your teeth to rot and your voice to drop several octaves.
• It’s possible to swallow multiple razor blades whole without cutting the inside of your mouth.
  

Since this film had such a limited theatrical release, I did not even hear of it until it hit cable back in the late 80’s. One late night I came home after hanging out with some friends and after listening to some tunes on my walkman (who remembers those things? You actually had to put batteries in them and insert tapes to hear the music!) I decided to watch some television before settling in for some sleep. My first destination were the various pay channels we got, since this would be were the good movies were shown (the ones with naked chicks and gore). I flicked through the choices and came to HBO, which was showing Night of the Demons. The movie was in its final act, with Judy and Rodger running around trying to survive. I caught about the last twenty minutes or so and that was that. Later in the month, when another weekend rolled around, I was perusing the cable guide and saw the movie listed for late that evening. Since I had only seen the last few minutes of the movie previously, I made sure to catch the entire thing this time. I remember how cinematic the film seemed to me at the time and I wondered how I had never heard of it (being ignorant of its release history). Even though that was the only time I saw the complete film from beginning to end for many, many years, the scene with Linnea Quigley and the lipstick really stuck in my memory…like it no doubt did for countless other people. I did manage to see bits and pieces of the film over the following years, but like so many other movies, I was not able to see it fully again until I acquired the DVD. Now I just need to see the sequels, which have always eluded me.

Shadow's rating: Six Tombstones

The Good

• Lots of naked chicks
• Decent gore
• Great make-up FX
• Cool animated opening credits
• Excellent set design

The Bad

• Characters are all stereotypes
• No one engenders any sympathy
• Some deaths went unseen
• Cheesy 80’s synthesizer music and rock songs

The Ugly

• Everyone in this film is a moron
• Obvious twenty-somethings playing teens
• The fifteen million candlepower moonlight
• Little happens ‘til the halfway point

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